The seven words that no driver wants to hear: "Going a bit fast, aren't we sir?"No, we are not, because I am sitting in a lay-by with my window rolled down talking to a police officer in a hi-vis tabard and an over-crowded bat utility belt.
Own up to nothing: "Ummm. I might have been."
"What," he asks me, "What if there had been a child in the middle of the road?"
Yes, what if?
"Well, I'd be saying to myself 'There's a child in the middle of the road'. In the middle of nowhere. In the rain. At three in the morning. On a school night. I'd be calling the police."
"Wha...?"
"Yeah, I'd call the police. We've found that missing kid. We've found him. We'd be heroes."
He reaches for his radio, finger hovering over the transmit button, before realises he's being played like a cheap fiddle.
"Yeah, you've got a point, sir. Uh... Don't do it again."
"No, officer."
I flee.
3 comments:
You've shown us pictures of your car. This speed fantasy thing has got out of hand, hasn't it. Own up, he stopped you for a faulty brake light, didn't he.
Your police cars are spiffier than the ones here. Our police cars are boring and black and white and look like your grandfather's buick.
I want spiffy checkerboard police cars, NOW.
Most British police cars have battenburg markings, that make it impossible to sneak up on any baduns.
They also are mostly underpowered small family cars, I think they would be called sub-compact in the US. If you are a largish person and you have the vest and other kit on, you have to squeeze your way in and out of the tiny doors.
The boot (trunk) is too small to hold all the extra kit and there is no cage, to keep any crims under control.
If you leave the mobile disco running while the engine is off the battery goes flat in 10 minutes.
Most coppers would gladly swap a dozen yellow and blue panda cars for one decent black and white.
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