Monday, August 13, 2012
Homeopathy: Still out there, still rubbish
It's so very easy to take the piss out of Homeopathy, simply because of the utterly ridiculous claims that its followers come out with.
Homeopaths claim that if you dilute something down so many times that absolutely no trace of the original substance remains, then it becomes an effective medicine. Some people - who are actually allowed out in public, vote and have opinions - reckon that the light of Saturn focused on powdered milk will cure broken bones. Doctors, chemists and people who bothered listening in school instead of drawing pictures of unicorns all know that this is complete bollocks.
Unfortunately, despite even the NHS eventually wising up to the complete lack of any scientific basis behind homeopathy, you can still waste your money on sugar pill "remedies" in most major chemist chains, and worse, homeopaths are still allowed out in public to make the most ridiculous claims as to their (cough) craft.
Jane returned from a weekend away recently with this little present for me - a leaflet from some quack who was pushing his wares on the general public. I'm not going to reveal names - simply because a) I'm not going to give anybody free advertising and b) Just in case they're litigious, or represented by somebody who is litigious. The last thing I want is a court case for calling somebody a quack and a dangerous charlatan who should be run out of town covered in tar and feathers in the traditional American style.
Let's take a little look at the derp, then.
They say: We're not homeopaths. We're HOMŒOPATHS
We say: What? WHAT? Where did that spare Œ come from? It's the same thing, though if we're going to split hairs.
They say: "Simple, obvious and good science"
We say: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! PROVE IT
They say: "Homœopathy is effective. Good evidence exists to support this"
We say: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! PROVE IT. Also, my money - if I were a betting man - is on the "doing nothing"
They say: We can help you with cancer and mental disorders (list edited for brevity)
We say: We say: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! Preying on the desperate and the vulnerable
They say: The homœopathic process is empowering
We say: We say: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! No thanks, I'd rather empower an actual doctor
They say: Look at all these satisfied customers
We say: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! Singular lack of people say "Hey Doc, thanks for curing me of cancer"
They say: Look! We've even got an official-looking medical snaky thing!
We say: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! *head desk*
So, to summarise: HA HA HA HA HA HAHAAAAAAAAAARGH! I'm sure the people behind this here leaflet after truly lovely people trying to eke out a living in the midst of an economic downturn with something they truly believe to be true. Just a shame that it isn't. The only chink of light in the leaflet is the comment recommending a visit to your GP. With any luck, he or she should say "You're doing WHAT?"
If you want to try homeopathy, go right ahead - I'll even send you this leaflet because I'm not going to stop you. It's your money, it's your right in a free society, and it's your funeral.
But my view is clear: Homœpathy. Or homeopathy. It's herp. It's derp. It's dangerous herp-a-derp.