BEHOLD THE GREAT TOWER OF CHEESESIt was a long, long night in the Whitstable Travelhovel, haunted by cheese-driven dreams which are too disturbing to recount even on these pages.
Breakfast arrives, and with it, a loud family of cockney geezers, on their way down to the coast for a cockney geezer day trip scoffing jellied eels and punching whelks in the face. Cockney bloke is loud, intimidating, and putting me off my pork products.
"YOU GOT COFFEE?" he bellows.
"Yes sir, we have coffee. What would you like?"
"I'LL HAVE A LATTE. A LATTE WITH MILK."
I will be the first to admit that I did an actual laugh out loud, before realising that I was eating in a Little Chef and therefore the loser in this whole deal. On reflection, at least he didn't ask for a "BLACK LATTE", because I would have pointed and laughed, my final middle-class act on this Earth before being killed entirely to death.
And to prove that the world IS royally screwed, we stopped at a motorway service station on the way home, where - with my own eyes - I saw a sign boasting "All-day breakfast - available from 12 noon"I would have taken a picture, but cameras in a busy gents' toilet are somewhat frowned upon. I have diced with death enough for one day.
6 comments:
Maybe I misunderstood - they serve all-day breakfasts in the gentlemen's rest area?
Just got back from a wedding in Manchester where we had a full English, dubbed "the wedding breakfast", at 5.30pm, accompanied by wine and prosecco. I originally laughed at the idea when I heard about the plan the day before. Then I realised on the day, following my two shredded wheat at 7am that morning, there was NO FOOD AT ALL until that meal. It was genuinely a breaking of the fast. Mind you, they made up for it with a fried chicken buffet at 10pm.
Isn't a black latte a skinnier version of a 'skinny latte'? You know, like an anorexic one or something?
Sir,
I have oft viewed your reminiscences with a somewhat sceptical eye, doubtful as to the absolute veracity and un-exaggerated nature of your stories.
Now Duck, your are, as yoofs say, "pwnd" and "bstd".
Pork in a Petit Chef?
The journey from sublime to absurd is but short and you Sir, you went too far.
galpig 19 <---- not Captcha. Oh No! but Gotcha!!
Richard, it's so people can eat at their convenience!
Penseivat
All-day breakfast just means that the breakfast's been standing there old day. Or since yesterday.
That's why when people ask you if you'd like some Christmas ham, you ask: WHICH Christmas?
Could be decades old swine. Might end up killing you.
Post a Comment