Don't you just love automated call centres? Automated, of course, for your convenience."Please tell us the fifth letter of your password"
"C"
"Was that P for Papa?"
"No."
"Please tell us the fifth letter of your password"
"C"
"Was that E for Echo?"
"NO! It was C. C for... C for Crappy Fucking Lloyds Bastard TSB."
"Was that B for Bravo?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
"Unexpected item in bagging area."
"Fuck it, I'll go down the branch."
"Was that R?"
16 comments:
Late last century I had voice recognition on my car phone. My Boss wasn't happy when he came back after borrowing my car. I later found out why when I noticed all the voice samples in the address book thingy had been changed to strings of words based on four letter words starting with F, S & C. How I laughed.
Mates = Overrated.
p.s. Furst
Not C for Cunt?
"CUNTS!"
"Please hold whilst I connect you to Nat West."
At least it understood that word.
Maybe it should, by default, once you have exhausted the menu options, direct your call to the Samaritans.
Don't know what's worse , being connected to a call centre based on another continent where they don't understand regional accents or automated ones where you have to pretend to talk like Steven Hawking.
Maisie - that would be a tie.
Maybe it actually IS Steven Hawking.
I know eh...makes you wanna put your fist through a wall or snap somebody's neck - but all you CAN do is sit there like a straighjacket case waiting for further instructions...
Could be, could be. Steven Hawking has done voice overs before. Remember War Games?
Hello, welcome to XYZ bank. Tell me what you would like to do today.
"Speak to a human being"
I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. If you want to know your current balance, say Balance. To find out if a check has cleared, say Check.
"Speak to a human being"
I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. If you want to know the hours for our drive-up window, say Hours. If you want
"Speak to a human being"
I'm sorry, I didn't understand that. Please hold one moment and I'll connect you to a Customer Service Representative.
"Muahahahahahahahahaha"
In my fair country, one can usually speak to a human being by enthusiastically punching the zero button on your phone.
Usually being the operative word.
We get complaints about out voice mail at work all the time. Tough. It keeps most of the nutters at bay.
Operative word. I think you can guess which one.
Eventually you end up talking like a forward air marker straight off the bat just so that you can get the conversation finished in under 10 minutes. I'm surprised we don't have to say 'Over' to them yet...
I work for Lloyds. We don't have an automated system. We just have very sarcastic call centre operatives.
I bank with Lloyds too, and their Phonebank Express has a button system too, and there is an option to be put through to a personbod.
Have I just sucked all teh funnay out of the post? Oops...
2 words:
Online.
Banking.
...it's less embarrassing when they turn down your overdraft request... er, so I've heard...
I live in Australia, where all the major corporations seem to LOVE these automated call centres. I learned after several explosively expletive incidents that I have to put on a faux Aussie accent to get them to understand. Lucky I had all those years of watching Neighbours to perfect my Strine.
u have reached scotland yard, state your business.
@did you say prince who?
so sorry this is an automated source. you can direct your call tomorrow on the bright to the maharhi of da India.
signed: India Ink.
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