"Wir wollen ein Boot mieten.""Beg pardon?"
"We'd like to hire a boat, please."
"Then why didn't you say so? Six quid."
Six of the Queen's Pounds - quite reasonable for an hour's paddling about Weymouth Bay.
"Name and address, if you please."
"What," I ask, my whiskers bristling as the sun reflects off the blade of my freshly-drawn sabre, "What the Devil do you need that for?"
"Insurance, guv. Rules is rules - I turn me back for five seconds and you could paddle round the headland and WOOMPH! You'd 'ave it away."
"WOOMPH?"
"Yes, sir. Woomph."
I kindly point out that the craft in question wouldn't go woomph if it were powered by the bastard lovechild of Lance Armstrong and Steve Redgrave, but he is adamant.
But I care little for the stripe painted across his nose and the dandy highwayman attire - and I tell the scruff the big mistake he's making - so I reluctantly comply with his request.
"So," I ask apropos of nothing but to show that I am able to write and move my lips at the same time, "What do you do with these names and addresses?"
"Oh, nothing much guv. I just stick them in this 'ere folder."
"Ah yes," I observe, "The one marked PEDALO FILES in red chisel-tip marker."
"Then I give it to the police."
"I tell you what, my good man. I think I'll just hire a sun lounger."
24 comments:
Ah! Ya, ist ein furst! Ist gut!
Wie lieblich sint einer wolnunghen...
And it's time for bed...
May I point out that the craft did not originally go WOOMPH but WOOSH.
You, Sir, should hire a proofreader.
I work cheap, hint, hint.
What file do get put in for hiring a sun lounger? Slob? Appropriate, I suppose.
Were you up early enough to hire a sun lounger?
Gad, Dawson wins something pink on a stick for pointing out lack of initial WOOMPH
Ach so! Ein Boot, ja? Das maschine is nicht fur gewerken fur dumkopfen!
So pissen Sie auf!
Mein Deutsch ist nicht good, ja?
I saw a documentary on TV about that - if you do make a break for the open ocean make sure you have a professor, movie star and a millionaire and his wife on board just in case the weather starts getting rough.
A friend of ours once went across the channel in a pedalo.
All of that just for a cheap paedo joke? Honestly! I expect you also had to give your name and address when you went to buy a new pair of swimming trunks as well?
Presumably this was the same pedalo hire firm where Robert Maxwell was last seen, climbing aboard a recently-rented craft whilst clutching a large bag labelled "Pension Fund"..
ps. Dawn, you're a Duke?!
Of course, these days would they save it in a pdf file?
I'm just impressed with Dawn's German. :)
Yey! :)
Cheap puns are almost as good as vomit, hedges and woe.
I don't see what is so funny
Neither do I
Peter File & P.Doe: Um ... er ... it was the "but he is adamant" joke. I did a LOL
I can make anything go WOOMPH, just get me a liter of petrol, a lit match and stand well back.
The Paeds I work with get very narked if we add an 'O' at the end of their title.
We sometimes do it for badness.
@ Donna - Heh. Must remember that one.
@ Steve - Might be. What's it worth to ya, guv?
'...he is adamant.'
Oh no, he isn't! That bloke in the photo, though, now , he IS.
Anonymous: How do you know that is isn't A. Ant himself hiring out pedalos on Weymouth beach? eh? EH?
two weapons grade puns from HELL in one story.
You can't say we don't get good value from Mr Duck... :)
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