On Internet Gold

On Internet Gold

I am indebted to Private Eye's Adam MacQueen for finding a goldmine of 100 per cent web-based awesomeness.

As you might know, the Prime Minister's website allows people to set up their own petitions, which the PM's staff can then ignore at their leisure.

Every now and then, a wildly popular issue will draw comment from Number Ten, but what, asks Adam, happens to the petitions with no signatures except for the poor sap who thought them up? For example, the fella who wants the sex offenders act changed to allow you to shag your auntie.

Answer: We point at them. We point at them and laugh.

Allow James Bond movies to be made tax-free - He should have pilfered all that gold from Fort Knox when he had the chance

decrease funding of un-necessary things - such as government procurement of 10,000 space hoppers for the armed forces

REVERSE PLANNING CONSENT CHELMSFORD BC 08/01235/EIA - Stone the crows, sir, these plans could KILL US ALL

tax rich people more - "The reason their is so much poverty is because the rich people have so much money they can get more money."

Ban All Loudspeakers - "Because they're like guns" - only without all the killing TO DEATH, obviously

Change planning laws to redefine pylons as wind turbine - Once planning law has been changed to make wind turbines the same as pylons, Pylons already in situ can then be replaced with wind turbines. Riiiiight….

i would like the prime minister to let children have a childrens credit card - because the economy's not fucked up enough as it is

Send a team of scientists and historians back to the moon or to mars and do filmed research. - No, you go first. You're halfway there as it is.

Gordon Clown's ZaNu LieBore's done this to us. More of this unholy turdspurt from the hive-mind of our doomed nation as and when I find them.