Thursday, September 10, 2009

On things you should ask Derek Acorah if you really, really want to annoy him

On things you should ask Derek Acorah if you really, really want to annoy him

A short list of things you should ask Derek Acorah if you really, really want to annoy him:

- "Why don't you get ghosts in hospitals?"

- "Do you get ghost dogs? What about goldfish? I swear my fish tank's haunted." (Answer, according to D. Acorah himself, is 'Yes'. In fact ghost dogs speak to Derek through spirit guide Sam. They go 'Woof woof woof')

- "Why was it – when you filmed a Most Haunted in the Netherlands – all the ghosts spoke English?"

- "Ken Dodd's dad's dog's dead – does he have a message from the other side?"

"How's Kreed Kafer?"

- "Zombies, right? They're technically dead. Do they have ghosts as well as the physical body they're shambling about in, clamouring for brains? What about vampires?"

- "Do ghosts do the sex? Do they? What's ghost porn like? Can you, like, lay your hands on some for me?"

- "When you do live stage shows, do all the grannies smell of wee?"

You: "Could you ask my Aunty Marge what she did with the money in the teapot?"
Acorah: "I'll ask my spirit guide Sam to try to contact her, how long has she been dead?"
You: "She's not. She's got a bungalow in Birkenhead and doesn't talk to us any more."

12 comments:

mark said...

"She's not. She's got a bungalow in Birkenhead and doesn't talk to us any more."

Lol, nice.

and furst.

K.

Donna said...

Secco - Hospitals don't trip with ghosts the way you'd expect but they do have presences.

Debster said...

Ghost turd.

Aunty Brenda said...

Wish I had presentses. No one thinks of Aunty Brenda on her birthday...

Audrey said...

My ex- was offered a job in the Colin Fry road show. No, seriously, she was. I don't know if Colin's a fake too, btw.
And that there parapsychologist had been unwittingly possessed by Kreed Kafer, who was 100% a REAL person, and forced to give Derek his details so he could be sure of having his story told.

Richard said...

You never hear from Doris Stokes do you.

Erin said...

Some people just don't put enough into their contrived shows anymore. Derek, I'm looking in your direction...

Toni said...

HAHA so funny! I love Derek Acorah but he does make me laugh, especially when he gets 'possessed' and starts talking in a stupid voice :-p

Anonymous said...

I work with a spiritualist minister. Now I have lots of things to ask him.

Tzonar.

Kevin 'In Salford' said...

Q: What do you call a contented spiritualist?
A: A happy medium.

(Oh well!)

WrathofDawn said...

OoooooOOOOOooooooOOOOoooo...

You're gonna burn now.

Invader Stu said...

Dutch ghosts can speak English but like the living Dutch they choose not to when it is important.