Monday, September 07, 2009

On Top Tips

On Top Tips

CRIMINALS: Banned from driving? A space-hopper makes an ideal portable getaway vehicle for acts of suburban petty theft.

R Biggs, London

HOUSEWIVES: Always spread drawing pins on your garden path in case you are attacked by fiends on space-hoppers.

V. Lynn, Dover

CRIMINALS: If you are embarking on a space hopper-based crime spree, be sure to invest in a decent puncture repair kit. Alternatively, one of TV personality Jordan's used breast implants makes a handy spare in case of unexpected bursting when being pursued by the local constabulary.

R Biggs, HMP Wakefield

POLICE OFFICERS: Gauge the level of crime activity on your beat by demanding sales figures for space hoppers from your local branch of Argos. Round up the equivalent number of crims, and - Hey Presto! No more crime!

S Holmes, Baker Street

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