On Top Tips
CRIMINALS: Banned from driving? A space-hopper makes an ideal portable getaway vehicle for acts of suburban petty theft.
R Biggs, London
HOUSEWIVES: Always spread drawing pins on your garden path in case you are attacked by fiends on space-hoppers.
V. Lynn, Dover
CRIMINALS: If you are embarking on a space hopper-based crime spree, be sure to invest in a decent puncture repair kit. Alternatively, one of TV personality Jordan's used breast implants makes a handy spare in case of unexpected bursting when being pursued by the local constabulary.
R Biggs, HMP Wakefield
POLICE OFFICERS: Gauge the level of crime activity on your beat by demanding sales figures for space hoppers from your local branch of Argos. Round up the equivalent number of crims, and - Hey Presto! No more crime!
S Holmes, Baker Street