Yes, my life has been entirely taken over by meetings.There are even meetings which have the sole purpose of deciding on the agenda for future meetings.
However, I have learned to enjoy these events, which I no longer see as a complete waste of time, but are now an opportunity to decide who lives and who goes against the wall when I come to rule a meetingless world.
The two worst words you can hear in any meeting – I have discovered – particularly a long, dull one in which a circular argument has gone round enough times to bring you to the verge of particularly violent murder are these:
"Yeah, but..."
"Yeah, but..." – two words that add hours, days to meetings
"Yeah, but..." – two words that are exhausting my alibis with the Thames Valley Serious Crime Squad as colleague find – through no fault of mine – themselves on the "martyred but not forgotten" board
"Yeah, but..." is costing me a fortune in pickaxe handles, tin baths and sacks of quicklime
"Yeah, but…" is forcing me to find another run-down industrial estate to dispose of my martyred-but-not-forgotten former colleagues
People – why can't we avoid all this violent, sticky "Yeah, but..." unpleasantness and all get along? On my terms, naturally.
See also: "We need to take this offline and schedule another meeting to discuss this", for this is just another road to HELL and PAINFUL DEATH
18 comments:
Yer butt.
Could you please have a meeting with Dave and David from my work? The latter's just an annoyance, the former can make the simplest of meetings last years. He thinks through EVERYTHING, dragging all in the vicinity with him. He has, on occasion, forgotten to pick his kids up from nursery having got so engrossed in an over running meeting.
Yeah but turd innit?
Cupo. Hem hem 'cupo'. Cupo.
Cupo Is that casting aspersions on the genital dimensions of those who impose these 'meetings' on you? Cupocino.
Cupo. I also find that 'Yes and' can sometimes course meetings to drag horribly in another way. Have you ever seen a room of games developers get really excited about an idea, go horribly off topic and try to plan wild ideas that are not tecnologically possible for another 100 years?
I do every day. Cupo.
No, but...
Cupo. Finding yet another run-down/derelict industrial estate in Reading... not exactly that time consuming, is it? There's farsands of 'em. Cupo.
Cupo.
Shhh, don't tell anybody ... but ... those dropped packets on Internet web meetings .... well they're not network errors. They're IP packets of your soul being stolen to feed Skynet ... but don't tell anybody, I could get in a lot of trouble for -click-
+++ CARRIER LOST +++
Cupo.
We are not still doing that sodding cupo thing surely??? And I dare you to try it in your next meeting.
another way to while away the hours in a meeting:
Count how many attendees make comment simply as an attempt to justify thier being there, rather than having anything useful or productive to say.
I usually find at least half of the people there fall into this category.
What's all this "cupo" stuff then?
Cupo. Isolator: See yesterda's blog. Cupo.
Scary - if you continue with that cupo nonsense I will come round and do something that means you will never be able to use a letterbox again.
"Yeah, but..."
How sad that you've missed the point of holding meetings in the first place.
An instruction is issued by management, but if one or more employees question it with a "Yeah, but..." then that instruction is questionable (actually it probably came from some smart-suited smart-talking twit who hasn't got a clue anyway) and therefore should be discussed in a calm democratic manner.
By only the persons concerned! In a meeting!
"Yeah, but..." repeatedly uttered by one member of said meeting indicates that democracy has not been fulfilled - they've been shouted down by the minority who just happened to have the loudest voice. (Here in the UK we call that Trade Union democracy!!!).
Cupo. Yeah but no, but yeah, but no, but yeah, but... that's WELL out of order! Cupo.
Cupo. LOL @ Dawn. Cupo.
hi.. just dropping by here... have a nice day! http://kantahanan.blogspot.com/
"Yeah, but"
The proper response is "Yeahbuts only come at Eastertime, bozo."
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