Watching ITV's latest gameshow - The Cube, in which members of the public battle against a large glass box for genuine cash money - got me wondering whether I could do better. And yes, dammit, I can.Seriously, if we can pull this one off, this time next year Rodders, we really would be millionaires.
All I've got to do is get past the scary-looking chap on the ITV front desk (perhaps by telling him that I am looking for Haile Selsssie), find the commissioning editor's office and pitch these little beauties to him before I am shown the door.
It's not being shown the door I'm afraid of, mind you. It's being shown the pavement outside, face first.
1. A fast-moving all-action game show, in which contestants battle against a large, curly hair for cash prizes in a number of tense puzzles and challenges. Phillip Schofield to host. Working title: The Pube.
2. A fast-moving all-action game show, in which contestants compete for cash prizes in a number of tense puzzles and challenges inside Jimmy Carr's arse. Phillip Schofield to host. Working title: The Lube.
3. A fast-moving all-action game show, in which contestants compete for cash prizes by trading in clearly fake celebrity pornography. Phillip Schofield to host. Working title: The Badly-photoshopped picture of Holly Willoughby's Boob.
4. A fast-moving all-action game show, in which contestants take vast quantities of mind-bending drugs, go to bed with a mad Japanese woman and get assassinated by a gun-toting crazy. Phillip Schofield to host. Working title: The Goo Goo Ga Joob.
And they say television's run out of ideas.
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