Monday, September 14, 2009

On getting into the charity business

On getting into the charity business

This picture, as seen on another blog...

...yeah, sorry about that... has given me a spunker of an idea for a new money-making venture.

Did I say money-making venture? I meant charity. CHARITY.

By way of a caption, one reader had written: "For Sale or Rent: Toys for Boys and one Boy Toy."

Good grief, I thought. Either Bill Bailey's really let himself go, or the standard of toyboys has really slipped recently. You'd have to be blind to… CH-CHING!

And that, dear reader, is the exact moment the "This time next year, Rodders, we'll be millionaires" gene kicked in, and it's just a matter of marrying up two urgent needs.

1. Fat, ugly blokes still need to get laid, if only for the good of society in general

2. Blind women still need toyboys, and will probably believe you if you say you are sending a George Clooney-a-like round for a small charitable consideration

So, I announce my new charitable money-making venture:

Toyboys for the Blind

It's like the whole Guide Dogs thing they've got going on, only providing an essential service for these poor, ugly blokes. No wait. The other way round.

Still trying to work my way around the whole body odour problem, but one obstacle at a time, eh?

Please send cash, tinfoil, women with a low quality threshold.

This time next year, Rodders, we'll be millionaires.

27 comments:

Aunty Brenda said...

Dimitri? Is that you?

Debster said...

Mmm nice curtains

Pseudonymph said...

Surely the question on everybody's lips (along with the taste of swallowed-back sick) is - do the curtains match the carpet?

Brennig said...

And going one stage further... Posh Birds for Deaf Blokes. I knew a bird whose accent could cut glass at 35-paces but when she had her gob shut she was very acceptable...

Squeakypony said...

When you get an ASBO where are you supposed to stick it?

Pseudonymph: I personally think a light floral print would freshen the room up a bit, but I'm guessing Jeremy has taken his nice matching "Toystory" doona off the bed so it doesn't get any nasty gunpower stains ( and don't call me Shirley )

Foodycat said...

Russell Brand has really let himself go.

Anonymous said...

Squeaky - suspect she's not REALLY talking about home decor...

Squeakypony said...

Anonymous: Nether was I.

Audrey said...

News just in. Ugly blokes go on eye-poking frenzy in attempt to get laid.

Donna said...

Re the Body Odour bit - you could use that in your ads, how else are the Blind Bints going to know where Sweaty Fat Toy Boy is.

Between that and the heavy asmatic breathing it's a great Location Finder.

Invader Stu said...

I wonder what kind of person he was trying to impress by showing of his guns and guitar hero controllers.

Debster said...

I notice also that it seems to be a single bed. With no pillows. What IS this guy thinking??

Erin said...

Foodycat - that's what I thought at first, too.

This guy's a candidate for JustinSpace. He's put a book together called Obscene Interiors that takes amateur porn, blanks out the nudity/bodies so he can critique their decor and decorating skills.

Aunty Brenda said...

You wouldn't want that thing to go off, would you. Really. At all.

Richard said...

Julian!

#Debi said...

Nice one, Richard. And yes, Foodcat, that was my first thought as well. Just after, "Bloody hell, Scary, I'm eating breakfast here!"

Toni said...

As the advert says about Carlsberg ;if Scary Duck came up with a charity, it would probably be the best charity in the world'. Amen!

Audrey said...

If you've found this pictures stimulating, check out http://www.bearporn.com/

Rik said...

"nice weapon"

"thanks. I've just finished polishing it."

Pseudonymph said...

@ Audrey
'You're terrible, Muriel.'

toadold said...

The peculiar thing is that I've seen guys who looked like that hook up with beautiful, intelligent women.

Anonymous said...

If it weren't for the guns, I'd think this guy was in prison.

WrathofDawn said...

Wouldn't work. He'd have to be listed on the Toyboys for Blind, Anosmiac and Mechanoreceptor-challenged.

Or in Wales. He might be popular there.

Joy said...

I thought the same Russell Brand remark. He's put me off of having fantasies since that image is burned in my mind. The horror!

Kevin 'In Salford' said...

Why do I now scream "OH NO!!" before I even start to read this blog???

Kevin 'In Salford' said...

"Have you tried enlarging that picture?"

" NO, DON'T DO IT!!!! "

" Errrr, too late! "

An' there was me concerned about the little bit of hairy fluff on me lower back!

Sewmouse said...

Toys for Boys... and a Toyboy....

Sounds like he's more interested in the BOY side of things.

Teh Ghey perhaps?