The boy Scaryduck Junior came home from school not long ago with his head filled with the idea – courtesy of a teacher who ought to have known better – that the moon landings were faked.Honestly, some people just don't deserve to draw a salary, and I was so cross I nearly said something.
But, we ask, are conspiracy theories real?
And we can answer thussly: No. No, they are not.
Apart from these ones, obviously:
* Rock band Status Quo emerged in EXACTLY the same decade as the Kennedy assassination. Coincidence?
* A tinfoil helmet does not stop alien radio waves. It does, however, ensure your brain is cooked just the way aliens like
* Murdoch's News International owns global copyright on the word "sheeple" OPEN YOUR EYES SHEE...err...
* Due to Neville Chamberlain's unfortunate "Double or Quits" toss in 1936, Adolf Hitler is still legally Prime Minister
* Michael Jackson faked his death so he could enjoy loads of filthy granny sex with an 83-year-old Marilyn Monroe, who is also not dead
* Conspiracy theorists claim Nasa faked the moon landings. Wrong! The only part Nasa faked is the fact that Neil Armstrong has a face like Ann Widdecombe's slapped arse, so they substituted him for a finely-chiselled all-American fashion model
* Last surviving Beatle Ringo Starr is the only member of the Fab Four not to have faked his death
* The latest Swine Flu scare is just a government front to hide the real killer: Special Duck Rabies
* Three-nippled chantoose Lily Allen (born ALIEN, sheeple!) hides the fact that she is a Zillon from the planet Tharg from her hordes of adoring fans. Her song "The Fear" is about her dread of being exposed as a corpse-animating off-worlder with a predilection for Snickers Duo bars.
* Big Pharma and The Man have hidden the cure to the Common Cold in plain sight under the brand name "Domestos"
* Is your internet buddy a member of the shape-shifting Freemason Fourth Reich New World Order Surveillance-Industrial ZaNuLieBore Illuminati Brotherhood? If they routinely use the phrase ROFL (Reptilian Overlords For Life) in their correspondence, the answer is YES
To summarise: Elvis IS dead, crop circles aren't real and people in alternate dimensions do not have a different-shaped gear stick on the Mini Metro. That is all.
19 comments:
Gosh. Illuminating. Next you'll be trying to convince us that ScaryDuck is one person.
We are?
You know.
And, I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Bluetooth Headsets. They emit rays DIRECTLY into the brain, blinding the wearer to the fact that they look like a dickhead. Two words - Cyberman Upgrade.
That is all.
Actually ScaryDuck has been replaced by a robot alter ego without woe. FACT.
"Tin foil hats ensure that your brain is cooked just the way aliens like"?
Shit.
Oh, and crop circles are real, I'll have you know, but it's a common misconception that they are made by aliens.
They are in fact made by hedgehogs.
We will know if he is a robot alter ego when he starts vomiting oil everywhere.
Slick-inna-hedge.
I know, I tend to do unfunny comments; sorry about that...
But seriously: did you speak to the school? It's one thing to get the kids asking questions about established history - enquiring minds are good - but it's another thing entirely to let them leave the classroom actually *believing* in one of these nonsense fairy stories.
The Moon Hoax crowd haven't come up with a single convincing argument against the facts - every last one has been soundly refuted over and over. And if that teacher was going to introduce the subject at all then s/he should have damn well made sure *all* the facts were examined.
[Concludes with hilarious comment consistent with excellent Scary blog; leaves everyone in stitches.]
Baa-aaa
And beware the one who calls himself Terry Wogan.
What Audrey said! :)
Vetr: We have a list of grievances against the boy's teachers, and this is one of them. We've had to unlearn him, and indocrinate him with all the moon landing TRUTH.
Debster: WIN for the Not the Nine O'Clock News spot
Not one but two NTNON references in a single blog post. You're spoiling us today Scary, you really are.
But does anyone remember the alien builders sketch "Soon we will conquer your world! And one more thing earthling - if you can see your way clear to paying us cash we won't have to charge you the VAT."
Done an LOL @ Aunty Brenda...
From the 'day late and dollar short' file, the TRUTH about the 72 virgins...
Metro gear stick. You are so wrong.
In fact Rover was never sold to the Chinese. All the parts are now in a warehouse sitting on a leyline connecting Stonehenge and the Great Pyramid. Waiting.
ROFL
Ah conspiracy theories, I for one think they're all total bollocks. Mind you, this book's rather good
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Conspiracy-Plots-Cover-ups-Gordon-Thomas/dp/1852270934/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1248882987&sr=1-1
Not a conspiracy at all, not at all written by my Dad *cough cough*
WHAT???
These tinfoil hats are darned hard to hear through.
Paint yourself white to absorb the words, then. Will also deflect nuclear blast.
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