There are days when you find yourself in the presence of the kind of petty bureaucrat that knits their own packed lunch and spends their entire life never being wrong, ever.They will spend their every waking hour ensuring that the regulations are followed to the letter, and damme your eyes – and your breeches too – should it be your misfortune to cross them.
And so, let us rewind to those happy, carefree days of March 2002, and your humble narrator saunters – looking rather too pleased with himself – into the local branch of the Nationwide Building Society.
A new start in a news town. OR SO HE THOUGHT.
Me: "I'd like to change the address on my account please"
Nationwide: "Not a problem sir. Our records show that we do not hold an up-to-date signature for your account. We need to do that before we can update your address record"
Me: "Oh-ho! We can kill two birds with one stone, then."
Nationwide: "In which case, could you show us an official document with your signature, please?"
Me: "Yes. Yes I can. Here's my driving licence."
Nationwide: "I'm sorry. We can't accept this - your address doesn't match the one we have on the system."
Me: "Bu... but... that's because I've moved house."
Nationwide: "You have? We can sort that for you. However, our records show that we do not hold an up-to-date signature for your account. We need to do that before we can update your address record"
Me: "Muh"
Nationwide: "Could you show us an official document with your signature, please?"
FOREVER*
* This message sent from the Weymouth branch of Nationwide where I have now resided for the last seven years, a queue going out the door, down the seafront and all the way to Poole.
16 comments:
Hi, Vodafone? I'd like the $150 you FRAUDULENTLY charged to my credit card refunded.
Certainly. Our manager will phone you back with the recrediting receipt once it has been done.
Consequently, I haven't left the house since February.
Hence the FB group. 'Nodafone. Stories of Shoddy Service Providers.'
No,no, no. When you deal in person never go in alone. One or two people should go in with you. They should either look like lawyers, investigators, or Mafioso. They might not have to say anything just open brief cases and mutter to each other or crack their knuckles and say "Is that acceptable to you Mr. S?"
Don't even get me started on the Sky + and Broadband Saga again. Yes El Matador we will sell Sky Connect for £10 a month but we actually we wont, it will be £17. Pushing that one straight to trading standards.
That is why you should always have some stuff with your old address and if you get married, your old name on it.
I've encountered the same problem.
Also, I done a LOL in a shop the other day when I put my debit card in the machine.
'Please', said the display.
And that was it.
For a whole ten seconds.
'Wait', it added, eventually.
Me: ROFL
Rest of queue: 'WTF is that loony laughing at?'
TRT: I've had similar.
"PIN"
followed by
"Remove"
So Nationwide Building Society has a shed, then?
Nationwide [spit] Apparently they can't reset my online banking password because they don't have a record of my date of birth so I have to take my passport into a branch, thus forcing me to rub shoulders with the unwashed and most likely exposing me to swine flu.
But I was able to open a new online account with them and it took my word about my date of birth, no bother.
The last three times I've used my Lloyds Bank Mastercard it has been stopped due to "unusual activity" the first time I could understand, I had checked into a hotel in Berlin (so of course I then couldn't pay the hotel bill. Nice. thanks Lloyds). But the next two occasions I just used it to try & buy stuff that I always buy, like petrol or CDs from Amazon. What the hell is "unusual" about using a payment card to pay for stuff?
To re-activate the card each time I have to visit a branch of Lloyds in person. Well, that's so convenient I've given up on it...
From bank: "You have exceeded your overdraft limit by £2 the day before your Dole Scum payment went in."
Me: No I didn't, I done the maths, I had £23 left over."
Bank: "Ah, we slapped a £25 charge on because you went over last month"
Me: "You arses. I went over last month because of your bank charges from the previous month. I only ever exceed my limit because of bank charges applied during the previous month. Bank charges originally applied because the bastards at the Jobcentre paid my first claim for dole scum 16 days late".
A neat way for First Direct, who to be fair are in fact usually very good, to get indirect government funding - claim 10% of my dole scum allowance.
Me: I'd like to open a joint account with my husband, but he's unable to come to the bank today. Is that a problem?
BBC*: Not at all. Just take this card home and have him sign it and you can sign it when you bring it back.
Me: FTW!
(two days later)
Me: Here is the account application card, duly signed by my legal spouse. I shall sign it now in front of you.
BBC: That's not acceptable (with implied U EEJIT tone)
Me: ???
BBC: That could be anyone's signature.
Me: But you told me...
BBC: Of course we can't accept this. How do we know it's your husband's signature? You should know bank rules better than that!
Me: (with great umbrage) Excuse me? I should know bank rules? Isn't that your job? How is it my fault that a bank employee doesn't know the rules and gave me faulty advice???
BBC: (slightly less arsey, having pegged me for NOT A PUSHOVER) I'm sorry, ma'am, but your husband will have to come in with you and sign in the presence of a bank employee.
BANKS! HATE 'EM!!!
*Bitchy Bank Clerk
Ah, Nationwide, the only company in the entire known universe who refuse to accept that I know my own date of birth.
You too eh? Worst thing is that for around 30 years they were happy to look after my money without knowing my date of birth, but when locked out of my online banking they then suddenly need to know it.
Not only that, their terminology for all the different facts you need to log into online banking is inconsistent. Nothing so straighforward as username and password, oh no, it's 'memorable bit of information' and bollox like that.
I can confirm that this happens in other countries too ... sigh ...
http://unexpectedtraveller.wordpress.com/2009/02/19/the-chicken-the-egg-the-bank-and-my-flat/
Gals
You have got to see this. Obama playing on XBox. Funniest video ever. http://bit.ly/bllhx1
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