Dear EastEndersAs a loyal viewer of your programme since it started in 1985, I finally find myself moved to write to you in order to correct one of the show's longest-running omissions.
For far too long EastEnders - which has portrayed itself as a mirror on British society (albeit one where nobody has a washing machine or a television) - has pandered to current causes celebres and so-called issues.
However, it lacks coverage of the one controversy that has divided the nation for years: for eg, the lack of a convincing character who craps through people's letterboxes.
You could spin the storyline out for months, with glimpses of the perpetrator's arse crack as he nips out a length through Big Mo's letterbox; telling shots of a step-ladder somewhere in the Square as household after household falls victim to the Phantom Crapper's reign of terror; and the good, old fashioned red herring as it emerges that Nick Cotton has been unable to take a dump for seventeen years after a bizarre spacehopper accident in 1992.
A nation will hold its breath as Ian Beale eventually unveiled and rightly hailed as a hero and 100 per cent TOP BLOKE.
I've already offered this storyline to Corrie, and Craig Charles is completely and utterly up for it, so you'll have to make your minds up pretty sharpish.
If it helps, you can borrow my step-ladder.
Your pal,
Albert O'Balsam
PS I am not mad
12 comments:
Woo first.
You ARE mad.
Measly second.
And SICK to boot!
I thought the script writers automatically made sure all characters got crapped on at some stage.
What Debster said.
Not the bit about being first though, the other bit.
And if you don't believe me you can take the quiz over at mine today.
It's very accurate.
It says that I'm certifiable.
*wibble*
Maybe if you let them see your research, they'd take you up on your proposed storyline. :)
Stands to reason, I mean, they worked out how to transmit crap via radiowaves quite a while ago. Also, no-one in Albert Square HAS a toilet, you know. You never see Charlie with his Y-fronts round his ankles, trying to read the Daily Mirror in peace whilst the Mo and Stacey slaaaaaaaaang it off in the hallway, do you? They have got to go sometime.
Until a month ago I didn't have a washing machine or a television. I still don't have a television, mainly because I might accidentally catch sight of Adam Woodyatt and be forced to break it. I once served him at the world's greatest tolled river crossing in Dartford. He is a wanker.
Plz not to crap through my letterbx
Ever notice how you don't see white dog turds lying around.
They were all over the place in the 70's.
There was a white turd in my ex's garden this morning. She has been feeding her dog bones and white turds are much easier to pick up, too. I saw it on the way to her SHED - it's national shed week, everyone. Since I don't have one of my own, I'm forced to borrow hers, just for the hell of it.
thanks
Metal letter box door and frame. Household current wired to same.
Passing gas, a burst of flame.
Off the ladder, into the lane.
Color photos, tabloid fame.
免費a片 a片 免費av 色情影片 情色 情色網 色情網站 色情 成人網成人圖片成人影片 18成人 av av女優avav女優性情慾 走光 做愛 sex H漫 情色 情趣用品 情色 a片 a片 成人網站 成人影片 情趣用品 情趣用品アダルトアダルト アダルトサイト アダルトサイト 情趣用品
補正下着
Post a Comment