Hello. I am Scaryduck Junior and I am excellent.Some of you might remember the last time I came here telling of the time me and my rubbish dad went on Dragon's Den and completely failed to diddle them out of any of their cash.
You will be shocked – SHOCKED – to learn that story might have contained slight traces of lie.
However, you might be equally pleased – PLEASED – to learn that the big fat whopper was merely a front to cover for our real, EXCELLENT business idea that we are doing for TV's Dragon's Den.
"What ho, young man!" said one of the suits, in exactly the same tone of voice as last time, probably still thinking I might be a pushover like that Reggae Reggae Sauce man, "What have you got for us today?"
"I have," I said staring them down with my patent Lego Stare-People-Down-o-Matic, "come up with a fool-proof business idea that will make us all MILLIONS."
"CH-Ching!" they all go as I mention the magic word.
"All I need from you," I say, "is ten thousand pounds. Each."
"And what," asked the shifty-looking one who owns Millwall Football Club (and is therefore full of FAIL), "will ten thousand pounds of my childrens' inheritance get me?"
"Nothing much," I reply, because I was brought up to be honest, "Except my old dad won't come round your house and poo through your letterbox."
All five dragons did pretty good impressions of a goldfish at this point. The ugly bird lifted up one cheek and let go with a nervous, cabbage-flavoured perp.
"Ten large. Take it or leave it."
"Crivens! Hoots mon, help ma boab" said the Scotch one, "I'm in."
This time next year, Rodders, we'll be millionaires.
16 comments:
A farty first!
The plan is absolute genius in its simplicity.
What if they counter with spring loaded letterboxes?
An absolute ratings winner. In fact I see a fantastic idea for a whole new series. Not so much 'Through the Keyhole' but 'Through the Letterbox' where Mr Duck visits various Z list celebs and craps through their letterbox.
Kaptain: Now you're talking.
Alas, I would spend the entire series crapping through Katie Price's letterbox, due to public demand
What about "Celebrity Craps" where you guess who's jobbie is onna plate?
There goes my breakfast. Again. Although I think you might be on to something with "Through the Letterbox."
And does the Kaptain have any more blogs up his sleeve? He was a blogger of the excellent class...
Ah, they were fools to turn down my CO2 powered cork insertion device, with optional letterbox mounting.
Letterbox mounting? You're perverted, you are, Audrey. I need to go and rest my boggling mind.
You're a fine one to talk, Brenda. You remember you had me running all those competitive tests to see which paper towel was the best at soaking up dubious fluid spills?
It is 2am in New Zealand, on a Friday morning, and I just wonder if anyone out there is contemplating the thought of the queen wearing a g-string? Mind you, I'm almost at the end of a bottle of tequila, and my thoughts might not be considered normal at this stage.
I may have spotted the major flaw in your plan in that you have given away your MO. 50 large ones and I won't poo through your letter box. And I've eaten a chilli and pork scratchings.
Just to erase the disturbing dream I had last night, Scary, plz to confirm or deny if you have inhibitions about doneing poos while the RAF is doing a ceremonial flypast.
Thank you.
Cabbage FLAVOURED????
I DON'T want to KNOW.
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